


there is no room for the weak in a place like this

by emochill



Category: Original Work, venting - Fandom
Genre: Original work - Freeform, Other, personal work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emochill/pseuds/emochill
Summary: this is a venting place i will be screaming into from time to time
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> if youre here intentionally: why  
> if youre here accidentally: check out my other works and im sorry youve stumbled upon this please leave or read i dont care

sometimes i feel as if I can't breath 

i'm gasping and gasping and fight for breath

i can't breathe

hi my name is 

my mouth is full of poison and self hatred i would cry

but I have no tears left 

no tears left for the wicked

what happens when you are the wicked

cry

though you have no tears left 

i can't breathe im crying

my thighs can't take this

i haven't stopped shaking since i was 9 

i was nine when he kissed me and called me his wife

i want to die

i am Scared to die 

my mouth is full of screams that won't come out i want to cry

who's my friend

what are friends 

when strangers comfort you better than your friends

screens and typed words calm you and bring you reassurance when your friends have you number

maybe they didn't care

they don't care do they

i can't breathe without smelling disappointment

i haven't breathed without sadness since the day i was 10. 

i open my mouth and no screams came out someone

Help me

my dad taught me to stand strong but what do i do when strong is only a facade and im breaking apart 

today i tried to kill myself, today i have yet to cry about my suicide attempt today i am unholy and dirty adn worthless 

What Do You Mean Today

dont you learn 

only the strong survive 

maybe if you werent so unpleasant you’d find yourself a good husband and all you’d eed to do is pop out some babies

i loved a girl once but she was kind and soft where i am not

she was loving and sweet honey and soft sunshine brownyellow

she had flowers in her eyes and stars in her hair and flowers in her hair and stars in her eyes and i was in love

but i kill everything i love and she died when she moved away because she was gentle and so so lovely

but i was not

i only know how to beat things down adn keep them quiet and obedient i know how to make someone fear me i know how to make someone 

hurt 

i dont know how to comfort people 

i’d be the textbook narcissist if i didn’t hate myself

There was a boy i nearly loved

he was witty and made me laugh and blush and he nearly made me soft 

but he left too and so i was alone 

my dad taught me how to stay strong and how to turn my anger into a weapon but he never showed me how to be gentle with my lovers

so i fuck and take what i want from them and sometimes they like it and someitmes they leave me but i havent loved so i’ve never cared 

my dad taught me how to be a weapon but he never taught me how to breathe and now i cant cry 

only little bitches cry about their problems right

guess i lost the right to care in my youth

i guess i’ll just fuck and smoke and drink my way into adult life 

maybe someone will take pity on and kill me

I’ll fuck instead of talk about my feelings and no i wont ever stop and wonder about you 

who do you think you are 

i cant breathe

my mouth is filled with poison and self hatred i opened it but no tears came out

i havent cried in so long 

who am i

my name is

fuck 

maybe i do know how to cry


	2. Chapter 2

my arms are filled with anger, 

all i know is trembling because i can't contain myself

my bod holds my emotional imperfections 

and molds them into physical imperfections, 

i will never learn what a father's love feel like

never understand who girls will brag about how their dads always support them no mater what they choose to do

my father sat at the couch and spoke in short cruel tones masked poorly behind boredom

maybe this is where i learned it

i sat at his feet as i saw him turn his anger to his arms

saw the way his hands clenched and his shoulders grew tense and how his jaw hardened

,i saw and i learned

i learned how to channel my anger into my fists saw how to draw myself up and make myself more intimidating

i think it worked too well.

i think i broke my mother's spirit

when i grew tall and first raised my voice back at her

in that instant i saw the fear she used to wear at my dads face

so i did what every kid ever did,

and i rebelled. 

**Author's Note:**

> congrats uve made it to the end heres a gold sticker


End file.
